About Myself

My name is Amanda, I'm 23 and I have been dealing with ED's since I was about 8 years old. I am EDNOS because I do not fit the criteria for one specific label and have struggled with not one but many forms of ED's in my life. Bulimia, Binge Eating Disorder and Anorexia to be exact. BED is my biggest and most disgusting downfall. Starve, binge, purge, repeat. That has been my life. I learned at a very young age from my Mother the joys of comfort food and have picked up her terrible eating habits 10 fold. My weight has fluctuated constantly all my life from 200 lbs down to 120 and back up. I have struggled with my eating issues, weight and body image all of my life and so understandably, my current mission is to loose the excess weight I have gained since becoming engaged to my fiance`. I have never been successful with "normal" dieting. As a person with an addictive personality, everything I do is in extreme or excess. Dieting is no different for me. It amazes me the extent at which women will go to, to fit into the Hollywood Standard of 'thin'. Starving themselves in order to weigh a specific socially accepted number. Unfortunately, as a woman myself, I am not exempt from this spiraling self delusion that thin equals beautiful. My eating disorder, in it's many forms, has constantly plagued me throughout my life. It has caused me too eat myself up to a disgusting 200lbs, starve myself down to 120 and even propell me into a full blown heroin addiction. Heroin, for me in the beginning, was a way to loose weight. Obsessed with the whole "Heroin Chic" phenomina made famous by super models like Kate Moss, I had no qualms in trying the drug in order to help me loose weight. Forget the physical addiction, forget the premise of death, jail, and diseases. I wanted to loose weight. And loose weight I did. However, I also earned one hell of a nasty addiction. Within 6 months I was an everyday syringe using junkie. So after a series of run ins with the law, deaths of many, many friends and the very tragic, untimely and traumitizing death of my boyfriend at the time, I had had enough. With the help of my current boyfriend and now fiance`, who is also a recovering heroin addict, I sought out recovery. The quick answer to my problem was Methadone. A synthetic, opiate given to heroin addicts to help them get off the horrid drug and get their lives back together. Thankfully, it did help me to get and stay sober, almost 5 years now to be exact =) but it also made me gain MASSIVE amounts of weight. That along with my BED and the comforts of being in a stable long term relationship, my weight sky rocketed up to 191 by June of 2011. Since then, I have tried dieting "normally" with little to no success. However, I do know a fool proof, sure fire way to loose this horrendous weight and get back to my former, pre methadone self. Starve. I was once able to loose over 60lbs in under 6 months and therefore I know from personal experiance that this works. Again, as I said, my biggest thorn in my side is the BED. If I can get through the nagging urges to binge and get some self control back, I will get my body back!