Loosing is Winning

Any day that I can see rib and hip bones is a good day!

The past several days have gone, to my surprise, rather well. I have been existing on salads, carrots, black grapes and spicy ranch dressing. I have now officially dropped 16 lbs and people are already commenting that I "look thinner". And Winning! Reactions and comments like that make all the hunger and pain worth every second. This is why I do this, because I know it works and it works well. I really wish that I would have taken before pics and measurements to compare to during and after. Yesterday at work I got asked for my number AND then by another guy out on a date!! The date guy has been coming in to my job for months now and I could tell it was leading up to this. I'd lie if I say I wasn't flattered. But I didn't go because I am loyal to my boyfriend, almost to a fault.

Today has been great as far as food goes. I have only had one 100 calorie cottage cheese and fruit pack. And that ladies is it! =) I am getting a tad hungry at this moment but I think I will be fine. I slept so much today and now it's almost 3:00am and I am wide awake. I have work tomorrow from
2-10 pm.




 

Any day that I can see rib and hip bones is a good day!

The past several days have gone, to my surprise, rather well. I have been existing on salads, carrots, black grapes and spicy ranch dressing. I have now officially dropped 16 lbs and people are already commenting that I "look thinner". And Winning! Reactions and comments like that make all the hunger and pain worth every second. This is why I do this, because I know it works and it works well. I really wish that I would have taken before pics and measurements to compare to during and after. Yesterday at work I got asked for my number AND then by another guy out on a date!! The date guy has been coming in to my job for months now and I could tell it was leading up to this. I'd lie if I say I wasn't flattered. But I didn't go because I am loyal to my boyfriend, almost to a fault.

Today has been great as far as food goes. I have only had one 100 calorie cottage cheese and fruit pack. And that ladies is it! =) I am getting a tad hungry at this moment but I think I will be fine. I slept so much today and now it's almost 3:00am and I am wide awake. I have work tomorrow from
2-10 pm.

Yesterday was ok. Around 2:00 pm I ate a small garden salad with ranch and a fiber one bar. Went grocery shopping and spent like $115 on progresso soups, pre packaged salad bowls for work, LOTS of veggies, chobani, diuretics and iron pills because I have a pretty severe case of iron deficient anemia. I ate another salad with southwest dressing around 11:00 that I shared with my boyfriend Greg. Calorie intake was probably somewhere around 600 to 800 which isn't too bad, nothing spectacular but nothing terrible either. Just got home from the clinic, I am now down to 24 mgs from 130 mgs. During the week I only take around 20mgs though except for when I have to go dose, like today. Methadone is a major contributor to my weight gain. Every chick at the clinic walks in all skinny in the beginning and 6 months later you see them and they've put on about 30lbs! I am hoping that when I am completely dosed off that I will start losing more weight. Hopefully.

Now I am sitting here drinking my coffee and slowly eating a chobani (130).  I am going to play Rift, yes I am total gamer dork =P lol and then around 1:00pm start getting ready for work. I am bringing one of my pre-made southwest/sante fe salads to works and maybe another chobani. I am only bringing money for cigs so even if I wanted to buy food, I can't. =)

Hope all of you have a good day.

Back to the Basics

It's been a little over a year since I have posted in this blog. Little has changed. I am a walking contradiction that is EDNOS. The past year has been spent overeating, bingeing, purging, starving. My weight has fluctuated a good 20 lbs the past year, up then down and up again. It seems that I am every eating disorder wrapped into one fat, miserable body, unsure of who I am but certain of what I want to be. I find odd how I am always called back to this. This blog, this lifestyle, this illness that is Her. It's something always in the back of mind, something omnipresent, omnipotent and inescapable.


I need to go to the grocery store later and restock my supplies

Progresso
Coffee
Diet Coke
Green Tea
Carrots
Tomatoes
Fat Free Ranch
Fat Free Ranch Dip
Edamame
Broccoli
Asparagus
Garlic
EVO
Sea Salt

And lets be real here, I know one of these times I will binge and purge. It's just what I do. I don't want to plan a bp but I want to know some foods that come up easily? If and when I do, I want the easiest foods to come up so I know I can get it all out.

So far today I have had a garden salad with ranch. I have already lost close to 10 lbs this week. And I haven't even been working out. I wonder why I can loose AND gain so much within such a short time span?? I am also trying not to weigh myself everyday. Ideally, I would like to weigh myself just once per week but I have been doing it every other day.

ABC Day 10

So today was better than I had thought it would be. Once you binge, it's really easy to just continue to do so and say fuck it. I struggled with that today but thank god, I didn't give in. ABC Day 10 was supposed to be a fast however, I did not fast today. I had about 300 to 350 cals which isn't that bad really. I was really scared to eat anything today because I was getting occasional stomache cramping from the laxatives I took lastnight and didn't want to make them any worse. I've really, really, REALLY been craving sushi the past 4 days but I am going to wait until I hit my 3rd GW and then treat myself  =)

I was sitting here today thinking about my progress so far and how far I have to go yet. But I realized that I am 6lbs away from the 160's, which is the something I haven't weighed in over 3 years!! So I am stoked! Then after that, the 150's?! I cannot frickin wait!! I can already tell a difference so I can only imagine how I will feel once Im down another 15lbs. Last June I was 191 lbs! So I am hoping by this June which is about 70 days from today, I will atleast be down into the 140's =) And then the 130s!! OMG I cant freaking wait!!!!! lol!!

Back to Bones

Phew. So lastnight was a rough one! Took 2 laxies early yesterday afternoon. Worried 2 weren't going to work, I took a 3rd lastnight. Well, it worked alright. I woke up at around 3 am with a serious grumbly in my tumbly lol. Because I take methadone, I am also really constipated. I've actually been to the hospital 5 times now over it and the excruciating stomache cramps that come along every few months when my digestive tract has had enough! The doctor had lovely way of putting it...."Wow, you are really packed there girl." Packed? No shit! (no pun intended ofcourse) So, ofcourse taking laxitives, for me, turned into an alllll night long event. All night, running back and forth between the cold hard bathroom where my stomache commanded me to be and the soft warm solace of my bed, where my body urned to sleep away the terrible cramping in between the "sessions" lol. HORRIBLE! Now I remember why I havent taken those damn things in almost 5 years! lol! Howeverrrr, I did loose weight from this whole, um, excursion. Nothing big. Nothing impressive. But atleast I am back down to 176.6, the weight I was when I decided to stuff my gullet with stromboli the other day.

Thankfully, the cramping has ceased but the fear of them returning is what is keeping me strong today.

I will give an update a little later. I'm gonna go watch some tv or something. <3 Stay Strong Loves <3

Everyone has bad days, right?

So yesterday ended up going to complete SHIT! Instead of being a good little girl and going to the gym, I ended up having a completely planned binge!! UGH! So now I feel like total shit about myself. I am bloated as hell. Also, being on methadone, I am constantly constipated. Gross, I know, but hey this is my blog afterall lol. So I went out and got some laxatives today. I'm also thinking of doing an enema. Grossness again, sorry haha. I just feel some frickin fat and bloated!! Haven't eaten anything so far today. i still feel so full from yesterdays binge. UGH!

I'm kinda in a hurry so this is going to be short, again. My dear little betta fish has dropsy so I am leaving ina few minutes to go get her some meds. Hope she doesn't die =/ I may or may not go to the gym today. Probably not if I take the laxies.